When Boundaries are Violated, the World Falls Apart!

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the sense of self, and a person’s perception of how he is different from others physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Boundaries exist for the individual’s protection. They are not fixed but change with what a person feels, the messages he receives, and the people with which he associates.

When boundaries are intact, a person knows that he has separate feelings, thoughts, and realities. From the time of conception until birth, there is connectivity to the woman who brought him into the world. As the individual grows and individuality develops, boundaries between him and his loved ones grow.

These self-imposed limits allow a person to know who he is in relation to others around him and the world in which he lives. Boundaries provide protection by preventing a person from getting too close to others who could cause harm on many levels, physically, sexually, emotionally, and psychologically.

Boundaries ensure that behaviors are appropriate and keep a person from offending others. When boundaries are healthy, people know when they are being abused and when they are abusing others. A person without boundaries will not know when someone is physically, emotionally, or intellectually violating him.

Boundaries can also facilitate communication and mutual respect. Developing boundaries is a core issue for healthy and happy families and societies.

Not only do individuals need boundaries, but so do societies. Cultural boundaries are defined as open, closed and diffused. (Cite source.) As members of the world community, people need to understand and develop boundaries that will benefit everyone. Entitlement to one set of beliefs contributes to the upheaval prevalent in the world today. Insisting upon one’s own boundaries at the detriment of others make boundaries hurtful.

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

Telling all.

Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting.

Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

Being overwhelmed by a person—preoccupied.

Going against personal values or rights to please others.

Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.

Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.

Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

Letting others direct your life.

Letting others define you.

Believing others can anticipate your needs.

Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

Societal / world ideology abuse.

Repairing Boundaries: Is it too late?

As a person attempts to repair damaged boundaries, he begins to take the risk of establishing close, healthy relationships. When he is able to form deep connections with others, he will realize that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. As a person’s beauty is reflected back to him in a mirror, he will begin to consider that he is indeed magnificent, a unique expression of a greater creation.

By repairing damaged boundaries, a person discovers who he is. The process of knowing his reality from the reality of others requires him to look inward, where he may find his true identity. Codependency implies that a person is alienated from his feelings, beliefs, and behaviors. As he reclaim his thoughts and emotions, he will truly come home to himself. Therefore, he gradually develops his ideas of a Higher Power that are not dependent on other people’s beliefs. This is important if he is to leave behind destructive notions of a violent, punishing Creator.

Treating himself with gentleness and firmness through this process is crucial. As his inner truth becomes one with the Creator, he will see the emergence of childlike qualities that were buried deep in his core. Spontaneity, flexibility, humor, joy, playfulness, laughter, and risk-taking will all allow him to believe in the idea of a loving, accepting, and forgiving xxx (Need a word here)

Affirmations to help repair a damaged boundary

I am loved.

I am allowed to make mistakes.

Telling the truth for the sake of the greater good.

Conclusion

Learning where one person ends and others begin takes practice. Setting limits with others takes courage. The excitement that comes with establishing boundaries is well worth the effort. In the end, each person will have a clearer identity and a stronger sense of dignity.

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